Upon tucking him in bed we talked a bit about what reading and writing do for us in life.  We were excited that in a story a pig really can fly or a hippo can dance.  It’s powerful as a 5-year-old to be able to make nonsense REAL.  He has really become sold on the idea that reading (although hard) is worth the work in the end.  He even brought up the “s” word (what he actually called it at first).  Then my sweet, bright boy, says “you know that word mom that I can’t remember.  It’s got the s, a, i, d.”  I was floored.  He couldn’t remember the word but he could spell it. The human brain is amazing.

I am writing this as a reminder to myself of why I am doing this, why I am choosing to homeschool my children.  On the bad days I have caught myself thinking that someone else could be dealing with this and on the REALLY bad days I think that someone else would be BETTER than me at teaching him.  This struggle has brought on a few new realizations.  First, if he was in public school and struggling with a concept (surely said will not be his only bump) I wouldn’t necessarily know that he was struggling.  I wouldn’t be there for the special moment that he broke through the struggle.  I would miss that priceless smile of pride and confidence in himself.  I might also be a tad alarmed when he tells me, “I can’t remember the S word.”

Sometimes he gets a new concept the very first go.  I tell him something once and it sticks like super glue.  Other times, it slides right down like rain on the windshield and it takes days to get one simple idea.  It’s nice when it’s easy.  But where is the real learning in “easy.”  We think that we don’t want things to be tough for our kids but this is where true character is built.  This is where they learn what they are really made of and how far they can go.  There is something to be said for learning what you can accomplish with a lot of hard work and determination.  He does not give up.  He has never voiced to me that he wants to stop trying to read or that this is “just not working.”  Those are my own nagging thoughts.  We don’t have to fit into a time frame.  We are not bound by minutes, hours,  days or even school years.  The things that he just gets will move us on quickly and make room for the stretches of when he needs more time.  We can adjust to life.  He can work through the difficulties in a supportive/comfortable place.

Aidan: Mom, going to the moon is very expensive.

Aidan: Mom, why don’t have girls have a penis again?

Me:  Well, it the main way boys and girls are different.

Aidan:  Well, that’s not fair.  Can’t we just have a girl with a penis.

Me: No.

Aidan:  How about if we do get a girl with a penis, she would be a super hero.

Aidan: I am going to blow up all of the girls with 20 babies!

(This all came from asking him if he knew what twins are!)

Aidan: I am a kindergartener.  I just know everything.

Coach Jeff:  Aidan, go take a break buddy.

Aidan: No, I am way good.

Aidan: So I guess we aren’t going to get a guinea pig?

Aidan (at gym class):  That mat looks very heavy.  You need a Dad to move that!

Miss Beth:  No, she moved it.  See?  It’s okay, we don’t need a Dad.

Aidan:  Yes you do.  Dad’s are strong.  Where is your Dad?

Aidan: I just wish Junior would come back.

It blows my mind the world we live in.  My 4-year old talking about facebook.  Granted, it isn’t like he has his own page.  He does understand the idea that we share information (namely photos) on facebook.  Craziness…

I had backed off for a bit when he didn’t seem to be fully getting the idea.  Back to the drawing table on this point.

Today we had a victory.  When I was trying to get him to nap this afternoon, he busted out his new word.  “Mom, I just want to do the opposite of napping.”  It was one of those weird moments in parenting when you feel 500 things at once.  I was so proud of him for using it all on his own, in the right context.  Annoyed that he waited for this moment to use it.  Wanted to make it a teachable moment and discuss options of what exactly is the opposite of napping.  The last thing I wanted to do was get into a discussion of other things he could be doing.  I ultimately just wanted him to be quiet and get some sleep.  It was an emotional morning for him, which always means he needs to do the opposite of stay awake a minute longer!

Check one for our home schooling.  He learned the concept of opposites and applied his new knowledge in a real life setting!  Napping and applying concepts all in one.  Just doesn’t get any better than that!

He did finally sleep.

Aidan: “Mom, I just love (said as lub) you.  I’m gonna marry you.”

Valerie: “I’m gonna marry my daddy today.  Marry my daddy.”

Aidan: “Mom, when I get big like daddy,  I’m gonna marry you.  We will get our own house and our own toys.”

Aidan: “I want to marry you so we can always be together.”

Valerie: “I want to marry mommy.”  Aidan’s reply: “Valerie, you can’t marry mommy.  Boys marry girls and girls marry boys.  Right Mom?  Girls don’t marry girls.  Valerie, you can marry Daddy.”

After my first marriage proposal from Aidan, I find out he is already two timing me.  He has also been telling his Nanny they will get married.  I don’t remember all the details, but there is something about race cars in their future.  Anyhow, when I found out about this I called Aidan on it.  I told him he can’t marry me and his Nanny.  His response?  “Yeah I can.  We can both be married Mom!  We can share!”  I still haven’t pinned him down to picking just one of us.  Oh well, I am already full in the husband department anyhow.

Me:  Ummm, I don’t know.  (Thinking this was going in the direction of chicken nuggets or ice cream due to the location)

Aidan:  My mom.

I think I almost melted right off of my chair.  That is my sweet, sweet boy.

Tucking Aidan into bed:

Me: You are the best boy in the whole wide world.

Aidan:  Mom, I didn’t think you would ever never say that to me!

Me:  Really?  You know you are my best boy.

Aidan: Yeah, I am and you are my best boy.

Me:  Well, I am your best Mom.  I am a girl.

Aidan:  No Mom, you are my best boy and my best mom.

Me: Okay.

Aidan:  Mom, I won’t let you be old.  I will keep you new.  You can just stay new (as he pats my head).

My thoughts?  Oh, how I wish it worked that way.  What has he heard to think that?  Like he would be my child to keep me “new!”  Keep me on my toes maybe but new?

If I was being evaluated on my parenting abilities and I told the Social Worker that I threaten my kids with an alligator, she’d probably have some questions.  I tell the kids the alligator will eat them if they do not get dressed in PJ’s and brush their teeth.  Then in the morning, they will be eaten by an alligator for not getting dressed for the day.  I am certain that it would not fall under the “child abuse” category but perhaps the Social Worker would at least raise an eyebrow?  She might jot down that I have limited resources to control my children.  At minimum if she was going to pass out an award for Mother of the Year, she’d skip right on over the lady who threatens her children with being eaten by an alligator (especially just to get them dressed)!

Ok, here is where the context comes in to play.  I have a 4 year old boy who loves to pretend to be animals… the stronger the better.  Both of my kiddos, 2 and 4 do not particularly enjoy and sometimes just down right refuse to get dressed.  In either direction by the way, in Pj’s, they say, “it’s fine, I’ll stay right here in them.”  In day clothes, Pj’s mean transitioning to bed, so that would be a big fat, “no way Jose!”  I’d just leave them in their clothes but they start to smell and look ridiculous.  Valerie spent Thanksgiving day in her PJ’s.  Which, by the way, you only get away with that when you are 2 (and as cute as her).  So, now you see my daily battle, predicament, annoyance, and what can leave every members in tears over; changing of the clothes.

A couple of night ago when the protests against bed time starting rising in 2 small children I was determined to outwit them.  Combined, they have more energy than I.  I had to use my brain muscle.  I tricked them into becoming various animals and to see which one was the fastest to get to their bedroom.  They turned their tears and protests into animal sounds, laughter, and Aidan yelling about how he is the fastest.  Dad walks in at just about this time.  Dad proclaims to be the mighty alligator.  Dad takes the role with due seriousness and pretends to want to eat them.  Mom seizing the moment to protect her bear cubs (or whatever animal they were at the time) by telling them that the alligator can’t eat little animals in their PJ’s.  Then teeth brushing would keep him at bay.  Both kids got dressed faster then ever before.  This time, giggles and laughter abound.  With some gator chomping noise in the background.  We continued the game in the morning and it was another success!

Within the context of the situation it doesn’t sound so bad to say that I threaten my kids with an alligator to get dressed!   Sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to make it work.  Sure, yelling a thousand times, hitting, pinching, grabbing, grounding, berating, belittling, really threatening harm might eventually work.  Perhaps it just depends on the real result you are looking for when you parent your children?  Do you just want the job done with the willingness to have your children walk away feeling ashamed, inadequate, incapable, and in some cases with a stinging/ burning feeling on their behind?  I don’t.  I’d rather my daughter arrive to Thanksgiving dinner in her PJ’s because that is what she wanted to wear.  On the days that it is important to dress in a certain way or be on time, I’d rather play a silly game and laugh our way to the result.

I am by no means a perfect parent.  I can say that I strive my best to do what is right for my kids and not what might feel right (or good) for me.  It would have felt really good to let out a yell when Aidan spilled his milk in my van (the 5th spill of food/ drink in less than 8 hours).  It would not have been even close to right for Aidan.  I’ll just have to let that mean old alligator get him next time!

When you see or hear something, be sure you know what you are really judging first.  Use your brain muscle to engage your children rather than your hand/arm muscles to control your child.  Learn to control yourself before you even try to teach anyone else how to behave.  I promise the results are better for not only the child but for the parent as well.

Valerie:  excitedly yells, “Bell!”  (for Tinker Bell)

Me:  (Knowing it is not Tinker Bell) “No, it’s not Tinker Bell.”

Valerie: (Looks me square in the eyes) “Yes it is Bell.”

Today was the day and I don’t ever want to forget the feeling.  Our kids show us in many ways with their behaviors and affection that they love us.  Long before children can speak they can express love to others.  A slobery, messy kiss from your nine-month old can convey a strong emotion of love.  Valerie has been hugging, kissing, and smiling with me for the majority of her life.  Her language skills in both expressive and receptive are way beyond her chronological age.  I must admit that given her ability to repeat almost any word you throw at her I have been disappointed that I can’t get the entire “I, love, and you” from her.  Try as I might, the best I get is “love you” in toddler accent.  My efforts to hear her love for me have been coached and coaxed.

Go figure that in that true moment of expressing my love to her is when I got back my desired three little words.  She came and snuggled up in bed with me for a lazy morning.  As she was warming herself up being wrapped with me and the blanket I squeezed her and said, “I love you.”  It was a statement for her without expectation of anything in return.  When I wasn’t asking anything from her I received back the muffled, yet distinct “I love you” from under the covers (she likes to bury her head under covers).  Today was better than just getting her to say the words to me because I was coaching her to say them.  Today I received the true affection that should accompany those words.  Perhaps she has been holding out on me to let me know she really means it rather than just giving me back my words!  Okay, she probably hasn’t given that much thought to it.  It was a great moment for me and something I will always treasure in my heart.

I have been reading a book on childhood memories.  The author’s belief is that it truly isn’t your own childhood memory unless you feel an emotion that connects to the memory.  Meaning, if you can recount a story of something that happened when you were three but do not know how you felt, it is probably a story you have heard over the years.  In essence, he explains that you have been “tricked” in to thinking it is a memory.  I also believe in the connection between strong emotions and our ability to recall memory.  It is mostly agreed upon that the earliest we are able to recall memories is from the time we are 3 years old.  It is not that we aren’t making memories before that time, it’s just that we can’t bring them up when we are older.  Sometimes the “memories” that we can access from before 3 years old are more about those feelings that we had versus the actual events.  My hope for Valerie is that although she will not most likely ever be able to recount this same experience with me a few years from now, let alone 30 years from now, is that she will carry that deep feeling with her.  I hope that I give her enough solid moments in each day for her to feel connected with me, loved by me, and loving towards me to carry with her always.  Perhaps she will not have a specific memory of me but has a vague recollection of receiving warmth from me when she had been really chilly.

Today was very much a “momma’s girl” kind of day.  She was literally on my hip the majority of the day!  We even got to go vote together…